How to find your purpose - A Soul's Guide to Fulfillment

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”
―Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Imagine you walk into an ice cream parlor. The walls are so high they reach the sky, and a large menu stretches across it.

There are an infinite number of ice cream flavors, and as you watch, more flavors keep being added. Mint chocolate chip, rocky road, cotton candy…you name it!

You approach the ice cream man, super excited.

He says, ”Yes, there are infinite ice cream flavors here. But choose only one. You only get one for the rest of your life.”

This story relates to a question you’ve might have been asked before:

’What do you want to be when you grow up?’’

I’d been asked this question a bazillion times as a kid. I’d grow sick of it.

‘’I don’t know! An artist, scientist, graphic designer, teacher…’’

‘’Choose one! Pick your favorite, the one that calls to you most. That’s your life purpose!’’

‘’I can’t choose…how am I supposed to?!’’

I’d wake up in a cold sweat some days. ‘’Am I choosing the right path? Am I gonna be okay? Am I actually gonna be happy?”

I believed that our ‘life purpose’ was equal to the career we selected and what we’ll be doing for the next 50ish years till we retire.

I believed everyone had ONE unique purpose in life, which was the reason for their existence. Once we find it, we’ll be satisfied and happy with our life.

But, I was lost. I had a hard time finding meaning in my life. Nothing really seemed ‘special’ enough to be my life’s purpose…

I tried my best to find mine. I read books like Ikigai, but I was still lost and confused.

Until I found a video that changed the way I viewed purpose forever.

Now that I’ve grown spiritually more, I’ve realized our ‘purpose’ isn’t one calling we have to focus on our entire lives. It’s much more beautiful than that.

It’s like having 100 super fun mini-lives in your one life!

In this blog post, I’ll share quick, to-the-point advice that will help you discover your true purposes, and find fulfillment. Let’s hop right in.

Purpose: A Short Summary

Your life purpose is like an onion – on top of your core purpose, you have different purpose ‘layers’ covering it.
These purpose layers are mini-purposes you need to fulfill.
Keep ‘peeling back’ AKA completing purpose layers until you reach the core.
The secret to happiness is making progress toward your purpose layer. (Even millionaires get depressed because once they earn enough money, they stop progressing.)
Sacrifice things that are preventing you from progressing to your purpose.
Once you complete a layer, maintain it.

Once you peel back each of your layers, and reach the core purpose, you would have already fulfilled your life’s purpose.

While enjoying every step of the way, and living an adventurous life.

Finding your purpose layers aren’t difficult…

How to find your current purpose layer

Our true, real purpose is a goal that forms without any external influences.

Most of our desires are formed because of outside influences.
Most of what we want is based on external approval and validation.
We usually form our desires because other people tell us it’s what we should strive for/it’s the most successful.

Money, status and power are the biggest external influences – and HORRIBLE disadvantages to figuring out your true purpose.

For the majority of people, their desires revolve around money. They spend years working in a job they’re sick of but pays well, to earn extra income to buy a fancy watch, car, bag etc. They hope random strangers will be impressed because of their items.

Social media is also a problem – looking at the lives of other people, you’re also going to be influenced by them. It’s not wrong to look up to someone and wish you could be like them and have their life. But, if you solely believe that their lifestyle is your purpose, you’re in for trouble.

I used to want to be the CEO of a massive corporation. I believed that was my current purpose layer. Seeing all these wealthy, female CEOs on social media, I thought it was my purpose to be like that too.

I didn’t think about whether I would love the process of achieving and running a corporation.

I just wanted the feelings of power and status. The result excited me.

I wasted years of my life chasing after a dream I didn’t even want – until I realized and turned back. I’m immensely grateful it wasn’t too late.

“Don’t be defined by someone else’s standards, have your own definition of success.”
-Duke Matlock

Finding your purpose layer – Practical Tips

Method 1:

For a few days, sit alone in your room and stare at your wall.
Remove stimulation – don’t go on social media, at this time.
Keep a journal with you and really think – ‘’What goal should I focus on right now?’’
Ponder, until you figure out what you’re supposed to do.

It’s definitely worth your time to do this exercise. It sounds simple right? It’ll save you loads of time in the future.

Method 2:

Think of the different areas of your life as the rungs of a ladder.
The areas where you’re more successful are higher rungs on your ladder.
Figure out which area of your life is holding you back the most. (the lowest rung)
Work on improving and growing that rung until it’s higher up.

Let’s say that your social life, finances and health are high up on the ladder.

But maybe…you’ve noticed your anxiety levels increasing. It’s also negatively affecting the other areas of your life – work, relationships, and health.

This is the rung that’s sabotaging your life and your current purpose layer. Your purpose now is to heal your anxiety and learn to manage it.

Maybe you desire the most to improve your finances. To do that, you need to study and get into a good college. Or you could start a business. But overall, now your purpose is to start creating more income. That’s your current purpose!

Sacrifice is necessary for progress

Dedicate your life to it fully. Not half, not a quarter, FULLY. otherwise, you won’t fulfill it, or you’ll take decades to.
How? Sacrifice ALL the bad habits and distractions sabotaging your progress.
Distractions and bad habits are the only reasons why you aren’t progressing.
Make progress by implementing good habits that align with your purpose.

For example – Let’s say your purpose is to build a business you are truly passionate about and in love with. I used to attempt to grow different businesses simultaneously.

I’d put hours into affiliate marketing, growing an Instagram account, and learning how to web design. At the same time. Whew!

I wasn’t passionate about any of these businesses. But I was hoping to make a quick buck, so I invested months of my time. I watched all these YouTubers talk about passive income ideas and how much money they earned. I was super jealous.

I was getting burnt out and it wasn’t fulfilling anymore – I thought, ‘’Am I even meant to be an entrepreneur?’’

I sat down in my room and stared at my wall.

I opened my journal and asked myself, ‘’Do I really want to dedicate years of my life to this? Boring, unfulfilling businesses? To cough out money?’’

I decided my purpose was to do a business I loved – not what would make me the most money.

That’s how I started creating self-improvement content, and dropped all the other distracting businesses. 🙂

Maybe your purpose is to build an attractive body. You’ll incorporate good habits into your routine, like exercising.

But if you continue to eat junk food, have a screwed-up sleep schedule, sit on your couch all day, you’ll undo all your hard work.

This is what aligning to your purpose means – letting go of the things that don’t let you 100% commit to your purpose.

The things you must sacrifice will be the most painful to give up – your brain will argue against it and make excuses.

There’s no such thing as priorities, there’s only a priority.

Here’s a related post I’ve written: Creating New Habits – 4 Lessons From The Compound Effect

Align your life to your purpose

Every single step you take, every bit of progress towards your purpose should feel utterly blissful and free. (Except the parts when you feel lazy)

Progress = Happiness.

Even millionaires get depressed – because once they earn all the money, they stop progressing.

A person eating junk food, playing video games, and staying indoors all day might argue that they are happy.

But put them in a locked room, alone, without all their stimulation. You know how they would feel? Like crap.

Take a person who’s working on their purpose, making progress, and finished their goals for today. If you lock them in a room, they’ll start smiling. They would be happy and proud of themselves.

If you feel burnt out, annoyed, and groan when you discipline yourself to work on your purpose, it might not be your true purpose.
Ask yourself: Is this something I genuinely desire and will love doing? Or do I just want this so I hope to receive approval, love, and acceptance from others? ← big no no.
Forget about the reward. Choose a journey you would love to go on.

My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain – and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain.
-Tony Robbins

Completing a Purpose Layer

Strangely, when you complete a purpose layer, you’ll look back at your accomplishment and feel…normal.
It’s like your brain is already ready to move on to the next thing.
There’s nothing wrong with your brain – it’s been hardwired to think like that.
The feeling isn’t as dramatic as you thought.

When my purpose layer was to win a competition, I worked towards it for months. In the end, I did get 1st place. I did feel happy and grateful. But after that initial excitement my thoughts were, ‘’…That’s it? Well, okay…uh. Whatever.’’

You might be thinking, ‘’When will all my purpose layers end? When can I actually relax and enjoy my life?’’

This is your life now. You wake up each morning, doing something you love and what’s meaningful to you.

Each of your purpose layers is a mini life. By the time you die, if you continue to peel back layer after layer, you would have lived 100+ exciting mini-lives.

Isn’t that so freeing?

You don’t have to choose just one direction you want your life to go in. You can always change course…

Bill Gates stepped down as the CEO of Microsoft. For normal people like us, it may seem like a HUGE shock. ”Why would he give up all his power and status like that?” It was because he completed his purpose layer. Now, his purpose is to travel and work on his charities.

photo of pathway surrounded by fir trees

Maintaining a completed purpose layer

There’s one extremely important step after completing your purpose layer, and it’s maintenance.

If your purpose layer was to build an aesthetic body, don’t just abandon it once you’re done, keep exercising.
If you don’t do this, the purpose you just left behind, will someday become a purpose layer again.
Maintaining something is much easier than growing it.
Figure out your minimum effective dose – the minimum amount of effort required to maintain your completed purpose. Use the 80-20 rule – find 20% of the actions that bring you 80% of the results.

This doesn’t apply to one-time purpose layers, like travelling the world, getting an award, etc. It only applies to layers that can diminish over time – relationships, money,

Don’t Commit Early

Don’t make major commitments before you start your purpose.
For example – if you’re married with a family to look after, and your purpose layer is to travel the world to highly adventurous, risky places – it’ll be difficult to align yourself to that layer because of your other commitments.
As a young person, focus on peeling back purpose layers on your own.
Until, you decide your new purpose layer is to get married and have a family.

Avoid making committments when you’re young and still yet to explore and experience life. Tying yourself down, and sacrificing your purpose layers, only hurts you in the long run. Family is important, of course. Take some time to consider.

Progress, towarrds your purpose layers it what brings you constant joy and fulfillment. Choose your purpose layers wisely, at the right time.

How to find your purpose – A Soul’s Guide to Fulfillment