You can’t change your life until you change your distorted self image.
No one is going to save you. Only you can save yourself.
Not your family. Not your friends. No one, except yourself.
Okay, I don’t like sugarcoating, so let’s get straight to the point.
First of all, what does ‘self-image’ mean?
Your self image is how you view yourself.
It’s pretty simple, right? But it’s powerful.
Listen. It’s okay if you don’t like yourself right now.
You have FULL power to change who you are and transform into a different person, who is your ideal self.
Don’t like yourself? Create a new version of yourself.
I’ll share my story so you can see exactly how I did it.
Table of Contents
- My experiences with self-image
- Most Obvious Signs of a Distorted Self Image
- 1. You struggle to get things done
- 2. Your Mental Health is Drained
- 3. Bad Luck is Attracted to You
- 4. You’re so Scared of Letting Go of Control
- How to Reinvent Yourself
- 1. Define what your best self looks like
- 2. What would they do? Act like them.
- 3. Assume you are already them
- 4. Talk to God – Faith is Powerful
- 5. Cleanse Your Environment
- 6. Change the people you spend time with
- 7. Keep bad self-talk at bay
- Conclusion + Important Tip
My experiences with self-image
I used to have a lot of negative thoughts about myself.
I felt like I was worthless.
I was so scared of being judged. (Though I denied it.)
I wanted to stay home all day and be alone.
Can you relate?
Listen. The world needs to accept you for who you are.
The moment you were born, you were already worthy and more than enough.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, then it’s completely fine to be as you are.
But if you want to change who you are, that’s totally OK!
I decided to improve myself, also while accepting and loving where I was currently.
I wanted a greater life – better than the one I was living.
I could have stayed as lazy Sri who used her phone mindlessly and wanted to relax at home all day.
But no one gets things done like that!
I mean, that lazy-gal life might be tempting, but there are things I want to achieve!
Helloo!?
I want to make the most out of my life – by making the world a better place and enjoying it.
Lazy Sri doesn’t get things done. So I created a new self-image of myself, that wasn’t distorted.
A Sri that achieves goal after goal, and shows up every day whether or not she feels like it.
A confident Sri, someone who everyone trusts and appreciates.
I’m not here to sugarcoat. Being kind and accepting of yourself is really important, but that kindness can keep you stuck, too.
If you intensely desire to change yourself, you can.
You can become the person you dream to be.
Let’s start with the basics. What does a distorted self-image look like, anyway?
Most Obvious Signs of a Distorted Self Image
1. You struggle to get things done
Is it hard to sit down and work?
Is it hard to focus?
Procrastination and bad focus are symptoms of poor mental health.
It’s not your fault for having bad focus, your circumstances are mostly responsible.
2. Your Mental Health is Drained
Do you usually feel depressed or anxious, over your body image or overall self-image image?
Do you just want to lie down and do nothing?
A distorted self image makes you feel like a worthless pile of garbage.
But trust me, it’s not who you actually are. Your real, true self is living 100% fulfilled and happy.
3. Bad Luck is Attracted to You
Someone who believes that they’re clumsy will unknowingly do things that reinforce this identity.
So, if you believe you’re a magnet for bad luck, that’s what life will throw at you.
Oka,y let me be blunt. Your self image = Your Reality.
When you tell yourself that you’re unlucky, your subconscious mind believes it. Then, subconsciously, bad experiences will hit you in the face.
4. You’re so Scared of Letting Go of Control
As mentioned above, a distorted self image makes you insecure.
And being insecure…you’ll be scared for the future constantly.
This is exactly how I felt, back then before I changed my self image.
I would overthink all the time.
”What’s going to happen?
What if I ruin this opportunity and blow it? What if I’m going to be overweight for the rest of my life?
What if I’m stuck in this horrible job forever? What if I missed my chance?”
Let me tell you, firsthand, most of your worries don’t come true.
But by thinking negative thoughts like this, you’re going to attract MORE negative experiences into your life.
You have the power to change.
It’s not set in stone who you are. You can turn your life around the moment you want to.
How to Reinvent Yourself
Growth and change are uncomfortable. Also a bit scary, for everyone, including me.
But you have to get outside your comfort zone, so you can finally live how you wish to.
I’ll teach you how to remove your distorted self image and create a new one. Let’s begin…
1. Define what your best self looks like
What kind of person do you sincerely desire to be?
I can’t tell you who they are, because there’s no right or wrong answer. It’s different for everyone, and it’s up to you to decide.
Maybe you have an amazing muscular body. Or maybe your dream self has a thriving family life.
Describe the following about your ideal self:
- What do they look like?
- What’s their career?
- What does their lifestyle look like?
- What’s their personality like?
If you’re not sure what to write, then ask yourself this: ”What makes me the most jealous when I look at other people?”
Being jealous is an indicator of your desires.
Okay, don’t skip this one, because this will transform your life. It’s one of my favorite exercises!
Describing and gaining clarity about your dream self is the foundation for change.
You deserve to become the person of your dreams.
You might feel scared right now, and your head might be creating doubts.
”What’s the point? I don’t know if I can change. Maybe I should limit myself.”
Your doubts are just thoughts. You have the power whether or not to believe them.
How do you run a thousand-mile race? By taking the first step.
How do you become your dream self? By slowing changing yourself.
Open up a notebook right now, and grab your favorite pen.
Start answering the above questions, and let your words flow. Trust yourself.
2. What would they do? Act like them.
I discovered that my ideal body has a bit of fat but is also toned. Being super skinny doesn’t suit me at all, and it doesn’t match my face.
So I think to myself, what would Athletic Sri, act like?
She isn’t a couch potato, She goes to the gym every day and is determined. She also eats healthy food.
I’ll start acting like her and going to the gym, so I can eventually become her.
My ideal self also has wonderful friends around her.
What would Social Sri be like?
She would be confident and have wonderful people skills.
Now, I’ll start approaching more people and researching how to have better conversations.
“Wait, that’s it? I just have to act like the person I want to be like? “
It sounds really simple…and it is!
I mean think about it – if you acted and did all the things your ideal self does, isn’t it obvious that’s who you’ll become?
Eventually, once you keep doing the habits and actions your highest self does…you’ll realize you already achieved all the success you wanted.
IMPORTANT: Along with adding in positive habits, you need to GET RID OF NEGATIVE HABITS.
3. Assume you are already them
You need to show up as them. This is the secret.
Embody the person who has achieved that success wholeheartedly.
Okay, what do you mean by ’embody’? Embodying means simply BECOMING that person internally.
Even if you don’t have external world success, when you embody your highest self, success shows up automatically.
How do you embody your ideal self?
First think – how would your highest self feel FEEL, throughout the day?
Your highest self achieved all your wildest desires and has ALL the success you’ve ever wanted.
What would THAT person think like? How would they FEEL?
Would they keep thinking, ”Oh, what is the point of life? I’m a failure.” No, because they already do have everything!
This is the mindset that will bring you your desires.
Your most consistent thoughts turn into your beliefs, which cause you to take ACTION which will create your reality.
How would you act if you already had the dream body, the dream house, and the dream life?
I would get the desires I always wanted by embodying the woman who had it already.
Was she needy and desperate? No, because she already had her desired outcome.
A year ago, I wanted to win a huge competition.
My competitors were a 100, other people. The first-place prize was so amazing – and I genuinely wished I could earn it.
So I thought to myself – how would I act if I already had this prize? She(I) would be calm, composed, and confident. She would also practice a lot and put in the work.
So I embodied her – acting as if I already won the first-place prize.
I took action and put in the effort, and practiced. Practicing was fun most of the time – I challenged myself to show up every day.
Of course, there were days when I doubted myself.
”I can’t do it. There are people way better than me at this. I’m not gonna win this. All my effort was a waste of time!”
Still, I forced myself to assume I already won 1st place.
The competition drew closer. Instead of feeling nervous (I was a little) I started to… surprisingly let go of expectations.
”Why does it matter if I don’t get first place? There are more important things in the world anyway. Let’s just do our best and see where God takes us.”
The day of the competition arrived. I did my best.
When the winners were announced, I had won first place.
4. Talk to God – Faith is Powerful
I used a notebook and write to the Universe every day. For example, how my day went and what I’m struggling with.
I would talk to God as if He was a trusted friend.
Every time I talked to the Universe, something positive would always happen.
I would first thank the Universe for all the blessings I have in my life.
Thank you for the delicious meal I ate today. Thank you for my loving family. Thank you for the roof over my head.
Then I would tell the Universe about my life – what I did today, my goals and dreams.
I would even describe my deepest worries and problems.
If I talked about how someone was bothering me, the situation would almost immediately be resolved.
I’m still in awe every time it happens!
Create a connection with the Universe to help you overcome a distorted self image into a new, more amazing self-image.
You can start right away – grab a brand-new notebook and your favorite pen!
You can call it a prayer journal, but you don’t have to only write prayers in it.
Here are a few ideas on how you can write to God and nurture your connection.
20 Simple Prayer Journal Ideas and Free Templates – To Build Faith
5. Cleanse Your Environment
What you consume daily determines what thoughts you’ll have.
I fell into the bad habit of scrolling through mindless content on social media, back when I was at my lowest.
The content didn’t do anything to improve my situation, it just gave me a temporary distraction from my painful life.
It sometimes even lowered my mood further…
If you’re also addicted to social media, it’s not your fault.
Social media companies spend millions of dollars hiring neuroscientists to make their apps ADDICTING to the human brain.
I blocked all the negative content and started watching uplifting, positive content that would genuinely improve my life.
It wasn’t that hard to make a switch – especially since I enjoyed the positive content MUCH more.
The internet is such an amazing blessing that we can use to learn anything.
Instead of mindlessly using it, we can use it to improve our life.
It doesn’t help that our phones and these apps are always in our pockets.
Think for a moment about what you do/consume most of the time (daily).
What’s your routine like, and what are the habits you do each day?
Are these things truly helping you toward where you want to go in life?
Write down a list of the major things you do every day. Here’s an example.
- Watching YouTube for 5 hours.
- Watching the news for 3 hours.
- Walking in the morning.
- Gossiping with friends
- Baking pastries and eating them.
Now that you have your list, choose.
Which habits are genuinely helping you get closer to your highest self, and which ones are blocking your progress?
There’s no grey area.
The habit either helps you improve your life, or it doesn’t.
Write an ‘x’ for the ones that don’t.
For the habits you crossed out:
Eliminate and replace them with positive habits.
OR
Do your best to reduce it as much as you can.
6. Change the people you spend time with
I’ll be honest, I used to have a bad habit of gossiping.
Speaking behind someone else’s back benefits no one, and at worst leads to arguments.
We just exchange negative energy when we gossip. Why would we do that to ourselves?
It’s so addictive because it gives us a sense of ‘power’ – since we’re learning secret information about another person.
Not all gossip is bad, though. Sort out the negative gossip first, and ask yourself this:
Is this information worth spreading? Will it hurt anyone if I do?
You need to stop gossiping for good if you want to change your self-image.
Because toxic gossiping automatically encourages you to have toxic thoughts.
To avoid gossiping, I would drift away from the negative topics and gently steer them toward positive topics.
Or, I would plainly explain that I was not interested in gossiping.
It’s so strange how normal gossiping is…we’ve all definitely been conditioned to this.
Ever heard of the saying, you are the average of the five people you often spend time with?
It’s true sense.
I mean, if you had friends who were healthy and went to the gym, you’d naturally tag along for fun.
The same applies to friends with negative habits.
If you had friends who were junk food addicts and constantly bought you snacks, wouldn’t you indulge in them too?
Choose who you spend time with carefully.
This especially applies to people who don’t treat you with respect.
You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.
Know your worth.
By doing so, you’re valuing and loving yourself more. Love yourself!
7. Keep bad self-talk at bay
”Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ”me first”. It means ”me, too”
-L.R Knost
How would your highest self talk to themselves?
The highest, most loving version of yourself would speak with kindness and love.
You’re the most important person in your world.
I had an unhealthy trait of perfectionism when I was younger.
I insulted myself harshly over my failures and minimized my successes.
Remember, thoughts turn into feelings, feelings turn into actions, and actions create your reality…
How you speak to yourself forms your identity…
“We each have the power to construct our own self-image and that the self-image we construct will very likely determine what we become in life.”
-Bob Rotella
Constantly putting yourself down creates a distorted self-image… and then will create a negative reality.
But you can change right now. With practice, speak and treat yourself kindly.
This will slowly change your identity into a positive one.
Truly believe that you’re a beautiful, confident, and successful being, and you deserve all the love in the world.
Okay, so here’s a neat exercise. What are the negative ‘stories’ that you made up about yourself?
I’m calling them ‘stories’ because they aren’t exactly true.
It could be like, ”I can’t make friends. Everyone thinks I’m weird.”
Or, ”I can’t try out for that role. I’m not good enough”
”I’m lazy so I can’t get my dream body. I’ll always be fat.’‘
- Write all the negative stories that you tell yourself and other people.
The point of this exercise isn’t to feel insecure but to heal and transform yourself.
Now, this might be weird, but stick with me here.
Write down ALL the positive benefits you get from your story.
Your false stories AKA your ‘limiting beliefs’ were formed to protect you and keep you safe…heal them with a soft, loving heart.
”I can’t try out for that role. I’m not good enough.”
- Lets me stay in my comfort zone. I don’t have to do anything new.
- The role is alot of responsibility, so I don’t have to do any work.
- I can complain to people about how unfair life is.
- I get sympathy from other people.
”I’m lazy so I can’t get my dream body. I’ll always be fat.”
- I can stay at home and eat food instead of the gym.
- I don’t have to wake up early or drive anywhere. I can stay home.
- I can eat whatever my heart desires.
Now that you have the benefits, thank your story for protecting you.
- Let the story go, and choose to replace it with a positive story.
”I can’t try out for that role. I’m not good enough”
-> ”I am brave and a leader. I love finding new opportunities for success and growth.”
”I’m lazy so I can’t get my dream body. I’ll always be fat.”
”I can accomplish anything my heart desires. I am a hard worker, and I’m attractive and beautiful already.”
See what we’re doing? We’re turning negative stories into positive affirmations.
This is exactly what I did to transform my confidence and break free of my past chains.
By repeating these affirmations consistently, your distorted self image will change – repetition is key!
Conclusion + Important Tip
Think of your mind like a garden, and you’re the gardener.
Over the years, you’ve planted seeds (stories) in your head.
Every time you believe a negative story, you water it and help it grow.
As the years pass, the small negative plant turns into a deeply rooted tree.
It’s strong, and will take effort to cut down.
To cut down your negative trees, you need to start planting positive seeds in your mind.
So what are these ‘positive seeds’? Here are a few examples!
- Assuming you are already your highest self
- Saying positive affirmations
- Loving yourself and doing self-care
- Incorporating healthy habits into your routine
- Consuming positive content
- And much more…
The thoughts you have consistently create your self image.
That’s why it’s so important to consistently grow these positive seeds!
Over time, all your negative plants will shrink, and powerful, positive stories will take their place.
It’s okay if you fall back into negative stories and negative thoughts again.
Treat yourself gently and remember why you want to improve your life in the first place.
Gradually you’ll notice your life beginning to change.
Tons of amazing experiences and opportunities will come to you naturally, and you’ll be your happiest and most successful self.
Awesome post! I already feel more confident…I’ll try putting in the effort to change my addictions (Especially my struggle with TV). I hope for the best…